Saul Strand

As most of you know, Jessica and I were expecting our third son this winter. We had planned on inducing labor the evening of Feb 13th, but at a routine screening appointment on the 12th, it was discovered our son was dead. Jessica was induced at LRH that day. After an arduous labor, she delivered on Thursday and suffered a massive hemorrhage. It is estimated she lost at least 6L of blood, went into hemorrhagic shock, and began suffering life threating complications to her blood chemistry and multiple organs. She was stabilized in Fergus Falls sufficiently to be transferred via air to Sanford in Fargo, where she was able to begin to make a statistically highly unlikely recovery without any apparent long-term disabilities. We are home but now face the ambivalence of celebrating her return from near death while also mourning our son.

Most plans in life are made by forming a long-term strategy and then assessing the odds of individual decisions along the way. We knew our son was healthy in utero a week prior. We were informed of the risk/benefit of inducing earlier vs waiting. We knew the risks associated with getting care at LRH vs transferring to a level 1 center initially. It is possible to form a correct plan and make logical, even objectively correct, decisions toward its realization and still have poor outcomes. I do not regret the choices we made considering the information and recommendations given to us at the time, but it is one thing to know a thing in your mind, yet entirely different for one's heart to follow. Regret, anger, abject grief all abound.

I feel each of us also carry a certain level of hubris about our own self-determination in life. We make plans, live well, and enjoy good things without realizing that the basic human condition is uncertainty, weakness, and pain. Truly, we do not know what tomorrow will bring and we really are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes away. I felt I knew this. I considered myself especially appreciative of the blessings of our family and tried to impress this on my children, but I was naive to how blessed we were. I was entirely impotent to prevent the loss of my son, the near loss of my wife, and how can I ease a mother's despair or provide help to our children's confusion and grief?

I have shared so many details for the sake of all our friends and family who have already reached out to us and may not have heard back from me. Our community is providing great support, which we need, but my family may be a bit aloof for a time. Please know this does not mean we do not appreciate your help or condolences.

We named him Saul Bernard Strand. The only meaningful things I will ever be able to do for my son is to have taken this photograph and hopefully bring some motivation for good from his bitter death. Please take time to appreciate the things in your life you value just a bit more after reading this.

Eric Strand

A private family service is being held.

Arrangements are provided by Olson Funeral and Cremation of Fergus Falls, MN

Online condolences may be sent to www.olsonfuneralhome.com